Daniel was a good sport. His profile card, given me, claimed that he only liked video games. With his family background in mind, I knew I needed to open him up to a world of more possibilities. That meant doing fun things he might not have thought he liked. But Daniel surprised me, because he was game for most anything.
On this particular visit, Jared was unable to join us, but I had a group of friends who would be playing soccer and I brought Daniel along. Daniel, being an only child, was happy that he didn't have to share me with Jared for once, but I was glad that we would be hanging out with a group of people so he could see good social interactions. My friends didn't disappoint. We had a great game of soccer of all ages.
I don't think Daniel has run so much in his life. He was pitted against me, rather than being placed on my team, which I think he relished because he wanted to beat me. His team did actually win, but it was close. Turns out that my thirty year old self is much slower than my high school self and I got winded a lot easier, but my first few goals helped us get a good lead before we had to stave off a comeback. I maintain that we played too long. I think Daniel would have thought so too, if it weren't for the fact that he scored the final goal while loafing, cherry picking (we weren't calling off-sides). It was clear neither Daniel or I were in good shape, but we both share a good competitive spirit.
Having more one on one time, Daniel opened up about his parents and his feelings about everything. We ate tacos from Taco Bell, a favorite of his, before I brought him back home. I learned from the previous week that if I brought him home later than supper he might not get supper. We were starting to connect really well and respect and trust one another.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Week Three: The Grocery Store
It was not going to be easy to mentor two kids every week. I was determined to be in contact every week, but I knew I would miss doing an activity here and there. Still I wasn't going to make a habit of it, especially not in the first month (April 2009). The past two occasions had lasted a few hours each, but I really only had the hour I had committed to this week and I was fitting it in with errands to get it done. They needed to see me in normal life and not just for fun anyway.
Today we would be going to Checker Auto, Home Depot and Walmart. What fun! The simplest task of changing a tail light is so much easier with someone else's help. I figured these kinds of things would be like a fringe benefit for my mentoring and a good learning experience for Daniel and Jared. I also wanted to pick up a tomato plant or two. I told them we would be going to a couple stores.
While we were at it they wanted to see what movies were playing so we drove by there. They figured when I said we were going to the store that I meant the mall, so they begged me to stop there, but I didn't. They saw a handful of older teens walking from the mall and wondered out loud if I could beat them all up so they yelled out the window at them and then hid. I just laughed.
Home Depot had some plants but I wanted to compare prices. We went to Walmart but this particular one didn't have plants. I resolved to check the Walmart closer to my home. Meanwhile Daniel was checking out explicit magazines. He asked me if I thought a half naked woman looked good. I told him she would be prettier with more clothes on and I meant that, but he didn't believe me. It was time to go, but Jared had run off trying to prolong the evening. He had been given a Walmart card from one of his brothers. It had $100 arbitrarily written on it with a marker. When I caught up to him I told him to check with a store clerk before stocking up, just to make sure there was still money on it. As I thought, there wasn't. It was kind of sad, but funny. I turned around and told Daniel to remove whatever it was he was stuffing down his gym shorts. He swore he had nothing, but then changed that to, "no one will know." I told him that I would turn him into security if he didn't put it back. He had a large powerade. I told Daniel and Jared to each choose a small powerade and I would buy it for them. They did, but Daniel chose to bring the big one along and place it on the register. He said he deserved it since I was his mentor and not Jared. I told him he needed to tell me before we went to do an activity if he wanted me all to himself. I don't know if they thought I was less cool on this visit, but ground rules were beginning to be set, and they were realizing that I was more than the typical buddy they hang out with, but still a break from the day to day with foster care.
Today we would be going to Checker Auto, Home Depot and Walmart. What fun! The simplest task of changing a tail light is so much easier with someone else's help. I figured these kinds of things would be like a fringe benefit for my mentoring and a good learning experience for Daniel and Jared. I also wanted to pick up a tomato plant or two. I told them we would be going to a couple stores.
While we were at it they wanted to see what movies were playing so we drove by there. They figured when I said we were going to the store that I meant the mall, so they begged me to stop there, but I didn't. They saw a handful of older teens walking from the mall and wondered out loud if I could beat them all up so they yelled out the window at them and then hid. I just laughed.
Home Depot had some plants but I wanted to compare prices. We went to Walmart but this particular one didn't have plants. I resolved to check the Walmart closer to my home. Meanwhile Daniel was checking out explicit magazines. He asked me if I thought a half naked woman looked good. I told him she would be prettier with more clothes on and I meant that, but he didn't believe me. It was time to go, but Jared had run off trying to prolong the evening. He had been given a Walmart card from one of his brothers. It had $100 arbitrarily written on it with a marker. When I caught up to him I told him to check with a store clerk before stocking up, just to make sure there was still money on it. As I thought, there wasn't. It was kind of sad, but funny. I turned around and told Daniel to remove whatever it was he was stuffing down his gym shorts. He swore he had nothing, but then changed that to, "no one will know." I told him that I would turn him into security if he didn't put it back. He had a large powerade. I told Daniel and Jared to each choose a small powerade and I would buy it for them. They did, but Daniel chose to bring the big one along and place it on the register. He said he deserved it since I was his mentor and not Jared. I told him he needed to tell me before we went to do an activity if he wanted me all to himself. I don't know if they thought I was less cool on this visit, but ground rules were beginning to be set, and they were realizing that I was more than the typical buddy they hang out with, but still a break from the day to day with foster care.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Week Two: my house
I told the foster mom that as long as Daniel wanted to include Jared it was fine with me. She happily met me at the door for my second visit hoping she could better introduce herself. If only there were more people in the world who are willing to give their all for a cause like she is. She is a little more eccentric about the environment and so she is a minimalist, which was a little hard for me or the foster kids (for that matter) to relate to, but on the upside she is empowered with self-sufficiency and it allows her to be so caring, positive, and able to discipline while raising children to become adults.
Daniel and Jared were more than ready to get away and eat some pizza, something not too common around the foster home. We were going to have a blind taste test. We first went to Dominoes for a five dollar pizza special and then we went to Little Ceasars. The test became more of whether or not they could guess which one was Dominoes, since that's the one they knew they liked better before the blindfolds went on. From pre-cut bite-size pieces they easily chose Dominoes. I took the test also and though I could tell which was which too, it did surprise me that the Dominoes one (regularly priced higher) was actually too salty and I preferred the sweet hot-and-ready compared to that. But I told the foster kids that I liked them both about the same. Yep, I gave into peer pressure, not wanting to be made fun of. Adults have feelings, too. :)
On the way home I asked Daniel when his birthday was. I realized that he must have forgotten how he had told me the prior week that it would be today. From the papers I received from the mentor program his birthday had happened a month back. He lied and said it was coming in a month, to which I laughed and pointed out how I thought he told me it was that day. That made him laugh because he could think of a quick recovery and fessed up. Now they knew that I was fully aware that they would be testing their boundaries. I told them how I knew they weren't as old as they had told me the prior week also. We were starting to loosen up as friends and connect. I was starting to be on the "in" where they would trust me enough to tell me the truth about these kinds of things, but only starting to get that way.
Daniel and Jared were more than ready to get away and eat some pizza, something not too common around the foster home. We were going to have a blind taste test. We first went to Dominoes for a five dollar pizza special and then we went to Little Ceasars. The test became more of whether or not they could guess which one was Dominoes, since that's the one they knew they liked better before the blindfolds went on. From pre-cut bite-size pieces they easily chose Dominoes. I took the test also and though I could tell which was which too, it did surprise me that the Dominoes one (regularly priced higher) was actually too salty and I preferred the sweet hot-and-ready compared to that. But I told the foster kids that I liked them both about the same. Yep, I gave into peer pressure, not wanting to be made fun of. Adults have feelings, too. :)
On the way home I asked Daniel when his birthday was. I realized that he must have forgotten how he had told me the prior week that it would be today. From the papers I received from the mentor program his birthday had happened a month back. He lied and said it was coming in a month, to which I laughed and pointed out how I thought he told me it was that day. That made him laugh because he could think of a quick recovery and fessed up. Now they knew that I was fully aware that they would be testing their boundaries. I told them how I knew they weren't as old as they had told me the prior week also. We were starting to loosen up as friends and connect. I was starting to be on the "in" where they would trust me enough to tell me the truth about these kinds of things, but only starting to get that way.
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